If you are like most men, you might feel that because your girlfriend is interested in sleeping with someone else, it must mean that you are not enough!
Many men are under the belief that if one person has multiple lovers, they can’t give their whole heart to any one person. They are under the belief that if you love multiple people, then your love is divided up between then and is therefore not as deep.
This is based on the ‘scarcity model’ of love, which states that you only have a limited amount of love, and if you give that love to one person, there is very little or none left to give someone else.
People who think like this regard love the same as they do money. With money, there is a finite amount to spend and if you give it to one person, you have less to give another. However the amount of love we can give other people is counter intuitive. The reality is that, when you love more than person, you will soon realise that the more love you give away, the more love you have to give.
The contents of the heart should not be thought of as one thinks about money because its not as simple as that. The heart has the capacity to love everyone as it is not exclusive.
This is important when you think about your own worthiness because many men believe that if their women whom they are in a relationship with happens to fall in love with another person, then this ‘proves’ that they don’t really love the person they are with, as its not possible to love more than one person at a time.
This is because they are under the unrealistic expectation that just one person out there is our ‘perfect match’ who we have to share our life with. This is a myth with does not correspond with reality.
Let me ask you, if you believe in finding your soul mate, your one true love whom you have to give your whole heart to, the single person who is right for you, then what are the chances of finding this person in a world of six billion people? Does it make sense that out of all the people out there, you have just one person who is your soul mate?
And once you meet them, the part of your brain which finds other people attractive suddenly shuts off from loving anyone else..
The truth is love is not rare, and you can have more than one true love. People do have the capacity to love more. Ask any parent who has more than one child and they will tell you the same. That doesn’t mean the love is expendable and interchangeable. The love you have for each person is unique and irreplaceable. So know that in YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP, the love your partner has for you is also unique and irreplaceable.
Imagine a kid going to their parents and asking: ‘why are you having another child, am I not enough?’ ..see, it doesn’t make sense..
What if my partner is interested in sleeping with someone else, does that mean I am not adequate?
The same notion applies to this area, just because a woman is interested in sleeping with someone else, it does not mean that you are not enough for her. Just because she is with you, it doesn’t mean she will not be attracted to other people. That part of her brain doesn’t magically shut off.
Don’t fear that someone else will be better than you in bed. Because ultimately it doesn’t matter, it’s not a contest. There will always be someone better than you at something. If you look far enough, you will find them. You cant be that perfect person that is the best at everything. This is just something that you will have to accept as reality. It doesn’t matter.
You will always find someone who will be more interesting, more fun, better sexually, better looking, more intelligent etc. However it is important to remember that it is very unlikely that one lover will have ALL the traits that are desirable to the women against another man. You are special and unique.
A common misconception among jealous men, is that if my partner really loved me, she wouldn’t have any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone else.. that YOU should be the only person she would ever think about being sexual with at that time..
1- If she was completely satisfied with me, if she was completely happy with me, if I was a great lover, she wouldn’t want to get involved with anyone else.. I am not a perfect lover..its my fault that she is interested in someone else.
2 – This is a fear that you are not adequate. It is an insecurity.
3 – its not possible to love more than one person at the same time..
This is about scarcity. There is not enough love to go around. There is only so much love, a quantifiable amount, and it is not enough. so if someone else has her love, there is less for me. fear of deprivation or being starved of something (time, sex, support, commitment, love).
Any interest your partner has with anyone else, is not a reflecion of how much she loves you. If a couple give birth to a second child, will they love him more than the first? This belief is about fear that you are not loved and will be abandoned.