Arguments are an inevitable part of a relationship – no matter how compatible you seem to be. The majority of the time, they are minor and insignificant but sometimes they can pose a threat to your relationship and the happiness of you and your partner. To avoid heated situations and long arguments it is important to learn when to apologise and how to do it.
Many men find apologising to be an uncomfortable experience as feelings are sometimes hard to verbalise and admitting you were wrong can be difficult. However, when you apologise to a woman she is likely to see it as a touching sign of maturity. Apologising after you have done something wrong shows her that you care about her and your relationship, as well as letting her know that you believe it is something worth fighting for. This can strengthen your bond with her and make future arguments into minor issues. Instead of apologising, many men make the mistake of expressing regret in the form of a gift as opposed to a verbal apology. Although a lot of thought may have gone into a gift, it is a fast solution that requires no communication or sincerity.
Whether the cause of the issue was raising your voice to her, being controlling or not communicating you must consider the situation from her perspective. When arguments occur, people have a tendency to say things that are not true to simply hurt the other person. You must consider how your words and actions have impacted her feelings – only then can you give a sincere apology.
The key to giving an apology is to learn what you must and must not do. A common mistake is phrasing the apology wrong, meaning it sounds insincere. For example “I’m sorry that what I said hurt you” is not the same as “I’m sorry for what I said”. The first example is not the best way of giving an apology as it shifts the blame onto the other person. Women can pick up on this and what you thought was an apology can have the opposite effect. To be sincere you must accept responsibility for what you have said or done and admit this to her.
Maintaining eye contact is a sign of a sincere apology. Do not fix your eyes on the floor or elsewhere in the room – give her your undivided attention.
After giving the initial apology, follow it up with a statement that lets her know that you have learnt from your mistake, such as: “It won’t happen again” or “I’ll be more considerate of your feelings from now on”.
Ways you should not apologise?
“I’m Sorry if I Offended You” – the reason you should not say this is because you are giving a reason – that the apology is conditional and that the person you are apologising to is over reacting.
“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way” – this implies that there was no mistake and you are effectively shifting the blame to the other person.
Do not follow an apology with a BUT – otherwise showing that its almost a compromise than a sincere apology
If you cannot resolve the situation and believe you do not need to apologise, or have no reason to, it is important you talk calmly about how you feel. For example, your girlfriend may be tired of your jealousy over her male friends but you believe your feelings are valid. Do not attempt to justify yourself while you are angry as this may come across as aggressive. It may be a good idea to give her some space and let feelings settle before you approach the subject again. When you feel it is the right time, tell her that you wish to show her the situation from your own perspective. When you talk, do so calmly – making sure you do not raise your voice.
By learning how to apologise effectively you can have a happy, peaceful relationship and a strong bond with your partner.